Those poor bastards

Human beings are nostalgic assholes. We look to venerate those we consider glorious, hurling accolades upon them in every artistic medium. Is anyone else sick of it? I thought it was time to take a look at those artists who had the sack to get in someone's face and tell them how badly they suck. (Note: These songs were selected from the music held within my Musitron 5000 mp3 player)


5. 1812 Overture - Tchaikovsky

Why placed here?

It would have been higher except it's somewhat in contrast with what I have set out to do here. Some may celebrate it as a commemoration of Russian courage and diligence against an invading Napoleon. I however, knowing that Russians are mindless red fools, love to believe that Tchaikovsky was really sticking it to that miniature francophile bastard. The introduction of Le Marseillaise (the French national anthem) seems innocent enough until it is pummeled into inaudibility by God Save the Tsar (the Russian anthem.)

Would have been higher if...

It didn't involve dirty ruskies.

4. You're So Vain - Carly Simon

Why placed here?

As the precursor to Alanis Morisette's "You Oughta Know," this song set the stage for women everywhere to lash out at men who don't love them the way that they need to be loved and see them for what they really are: shrieking sirens with VD. In any event, this song is particularly scathing and reminds me to steer clear of brunettes with attitude.

Would have been higher if...

It didn't rely so much on mystery and reputation. Just tell us who the fucking song is about.

3. Congratulations - Weezer


Why placed here?

Does Weezer suck? I'm not really sure. At the time that this lambasting b-side was written, it would have been blasphemous to suggest such a thing in most circles. The song is perfect in its attempts to put some poor bastard(s) down. "How does it feel to have control of everything that’s meaningless? I can’t believe you’re satisfied with your lame achievement!" What a nice slap in the face to every phony fuckface on the planet.

Would have been higher if...

I didn't think that old Rivers hopped in a time machine and saw new Rivers and decided to write this song.

2. Positively 4th Street - Bob Dylan

Why placed here?

This song would make me cry if it was about me. It makes me uncomfortable when I listen to it. It's so dangerous because it sounds so sincere. Bob's not being petty. He's not striking back at someone to try and save face. He's telling it like it is. "Yes, I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you." I think I'm gonna throw up.

Would have been higher if...

Dylan had more aliases which brings us to...

1. I Don't Believe You - Kool Keith a.k.a. Dr. Octagon a.k.a. Black Elvis a.k.a. Dr. Dooom a.k.a. Rico from Puerto Rico a.k.a. MC Baldylocks a.k.a. Funk Igniter Plus a.k.a. EXOTRON GEIGER COUNTER ONE PLUS MEGOTRON a.k.a. Mr. Nogtaco

Why placed here?

It's infantile to the n-th degree. Throughout the song, Keith repeatedly refuses to believe any and all things about the subject's life, down to the most insignificant details. He follows a set form of asking a rhetorical question and responding "I DON'T BELIVE YOU" e.g. "You say Zach's your cousin? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU." Keith employs a brilliant cadence to end the song. "You work at 7-11." No refutation; Keith believes this.

Scattered Thoughts

I've been using Pandora lately. For those who don't know about it, the Music Genome Project runs this website, which allows users to enter a song or an artist they like, then it plays a song from that artist. Similar artists' songs follow, based on some crazy unexplainable attributes attributed to the songs in the database itself. I don't know how it works but at times it works wonders. Then at times, like last week I wonder why I waste my time (I had to listen to Smash Mouth, and I had to because I had used all my skip overs for the hour).

I like to think I have good music tastes and exploring new music is an important part of expanding my somewhat limited library. But I don't think I've ever actually heard a song I really like, that I would invest time in trying to get to know that musician or musical group. I mean sure, like I said earlier it works wonders because it finds music that sounds close. But when I want to listen to MY Morning Jacket, I listen to them because of Jim James, and nobody else sounds like that, so when I enter My Morning Jacket and play that station, I don't want to hear freaking Smash Mouth from their killer album "Astro Lounge".

This of course leads me into my next point. I am embarking on a new idea, this may be a total flop, but I'm going for it. Diving head first into Tom Waits. I've wanted to listen to his music for awhile, but I've been a wuss and said that buying music was too expensive, but no more damn it. I'm going to start at the beginning, when he was a pure folk singer, then go through what I have slightly sniffed the musical odyssey of his career.

Finally, Prince was damn good on Super Bowl Sunday, despite what the out of touch Lumberjack. I would have preferred he play his own songs a bit more, and news that he needs a hip replacement dampened his ability to dance up a storm, but I enjoyed it. In his time, Prince was a funk genius, pushing the envelope.
If you're looking for an interesting song try, "P(ussy) Control" on The Gold Experience. Its not what you think it is. I mean isn't this what this blog is all about, recommending music we like. I'm a huge fan of his early funk like "I Wanna Be Your Lover" and "I Feel For You" as well as his more progressive "I Would Die 4 U" from Purple Rain. Enjoy this stuff. He is a true original. Kudos to the NFL for finally giving him the Big Stage. I was sick of all these Brits, I feel you Bedwetter.

Also, was Billy Joel's voice going through some synthesizer or something? Was that just me? He sounded like a member of Zapp.

Prince of What?

After watching (and hating) the Superbowl XLI Halftime Show, I asked myself why Prince is so beloved? I don't get it. I know that "Purple Rain" was the 1980's prom song du jour, but why does that make him relevant today? If no one from any other generation has any affinity for him or his music, can he really be considered one of the greats? Does a real musician really come out to "We Will Rock You" and cover the Foo's "The Best of Me"? Why didn't he just throw in J.Cougar's "This is Our Country" while he was at it?