The Good Stuff: "Because of the Times" by Kings of Leon

Here's a new thing I'm going to do. A public service. Give you the choice tracks off of albums so you can cut through the fat that often plagues good records. Sure it's my opinion, but I'm always right, so listen up. My first victim will be the new KOL album, "Because of the Times," which is very good as a whole. It's still definitely the Followills, but its got a more ambient and spacey sound. Great album, but here's the good stuff (I'm working on the name too):

"On Call" - The perfect example of the new KOL sound. It's still them, but they've discovered more reverb and an organ. I think this is the single, which is nice.

"Black Thumbnail" - This track connects them back to their roots. It's a straight up southern rocker with a crazy powerful chorus. Bluesy and ripe, it would fit nicely on a White Stripes album as well.

"Ragoo" - I love the melody on this one. It's got a little RHCP, a little Pearl Jam, almost a little prog-rock in it. Very mature of them.

"Fans" - I want to hear this song in concert badly. It already sounds like a live cut. It's an uptempo rock n' roll thank-you to all the Leon-ites out there, giving a special namecheck to the London fans, where they are platinum sellers. Wake up US!

"Arizona" - Probably the most soothing song I've heard in a long time. Makes you want to drive at sunset or sip a beer in the shade. Another amazing melody by both the vocals and guitar. So simple, yet so good.

VYT Concert Review: Sean Lennon at Irving Plaza 4/13/07

Friday the Thirteenth brought a few strange things this year. First I found out that Irving Plaza is now called the "Fillmore New York At Irving Plaza." Secondly, I didn't eat lunch (which is just fuckin' wrong). And third, I enjoyed the Sean Lennon Concert a whole helluva lot.

His band was tight. He sounded good. The songs were that perfect blend of "what you know and love from the album" and "an energetic live cut." He was funny, if not a bit insane. The beer was cold and not as expensive as I imagined. And my girlfriend abandoned her polo shirt and dressed genuinely rock and roll. I was happy.

He came out during the opener to sing the final song with them. I don't remember their name and I didn't really enjoy them. So when Sean arrived onstage for his own set, I knew what to expect. He is very impish, in full suit and beard, long hair, old lady glasses, and an ever present glass of red wine. His guitar was a dark wood acoustic which he played most of the show. He looked happy up there, and he was engaging and funny. Irving's crowd was perfect size and so close to the stage he seemed to be having conversations with the first few rows.

He won me over when he sheepishly took a swig of his wine and said "side effects may include extreme rock n' roll," and launched into a great version of "Dead Meat."

He switched to a Fender Jazzman-esque electric guitar (which he said was just purchased) about a quarter way through. As it was strapped on, to sound check it, he noodled "Over the Hills and Far Away" by Led Zeppelin, and nailed it. The crowd went pretty crazy (which surprised me, I didn't think Hipsters were allowed to like Zepp) but alas, no covers were to be played. His chops were showcased on "Falling In and Out of Love," which sounded better live.

There was a funny, Nigel Tufnel moment during "Falling" also, when he knelt down to solo. He was squatting down there for a while, and at one point the roadie came out right behind him. I thought he was going to help him up, but he just fixed the amp and ran back off stage. Sean rose to his feet and intentional comedy was averted, but I chuckled nonetheless.

At this point I thought to myself, "thank god I don't date short girls." Why? Well because short girls are high maintenance at concerts. They cant see anything. It sucks for them and for you, as you have to keep moving to clear their line of vision.

One of my disappointments was his lack of guests. I know, sounds very bratty, but I've heard great stories of all of his famous friends joining him at local gigs. And this is as local of a gig as he has on this tour. No Ryan Adams, no Jenny Lewis, no Yoko even! She was backstage and he did name check her, but she never came out. Boo Yoko, Boo!

He closed his set with "Headlights," which on the album is acoustic and choppy. Live, it was very uptempo, bluesy, bouncy and electric, and probably the best song all night. He rocked his Jazzman guitar again, and really let loose on it. There was the inevitable encore, but I don't remember it. I was drunk, and "Headlights" was the highlight. That and the free condoms.

So overall, the show was a...fuck. I'm going to need to come up with some cool/witty rating for concerts and albums for this site. So for now, as a placeholder, this concert was an 7 of 10. Fun, intimate, rocking, cheap, great experience but not life changing. Sean Lennon definitely has a magnetism about him on stage, either because you are looking at the living link to a lost genius, or because he is on his own a great musician. All I know is that I woke up the next morning with his songs in my head and feeling the side effects he warned me of.

RE: Sports Music - The Masters

Lord Newton noted an obvious and unforgivable omission in my post about sports music, and that is about the musical elephant-tranquilizer that is the Masters theme on CBS. However, this piece does not exist in a vacuum; when accompanied by Jim Nantz' hypnotic HAL2000 timbre and the (often pre-recorded and non-indigenous) birdcalls it becomes a viable alternative to surgical anaesthesia.

Glorified Version of a Pelican

Feels so manly, with arms!

How much funnier of a song would "Glorified G" be if Vedder and Co. just admitted that those were the actual words? A shitfuck load. Here's some other misheard lyrics that I think are better than the actual ones:

Kelly Clarkson - "Since U Been Gone"

Real: I'm so moving on (yeah yeah)
Mine: I'm sobering up (yeah yeah)

See? How much better would the song be if it was told in the context of a drunken one-night stand?

Paul McCartney and Wings - "Jet"

Real: Ah mater, want Jet to always love me.
Mine: I made her warm jet to always love me.

Mine sounds like an dirty euphemism. His has nonsense Latin words.

Elton John - "Tiny Dancer"

Real: Hold me closer tiny dancer
Mine: Hold me closer Tony Danza

Okay, I never thought those were the real lyrics, but don't you dare try to tell me that's not the funniest thing when your doing drunk karaoke.

Toto - "Africa"

Real: I bless the rains down in Africa
Mine: Daduhdadadoodah in Africa!

I've never heard this song sober, so it doesn't matter anyways. Reminds me of Mary Anne's though (sniff).

Francis Scott Key - "The Star Spangled Banner"

Real: O' say, can you see...
Mine: Jose can you see...

Every little kid thinks that's how it goes, and dammit, it's better than old FSK's poem. I always worried that Jose was blind, poor guy.

The Music of Sports

One of the hardest things to do is to write a piece of instrumental music about a particular sport that musically approximates its dynamism, competitiveness and specific cultural locus, which is why there are few truly great sports themes. One of the other hardest things to do is write an introductory paragraph to an article about sports theme music, so fuck it.

BASEBALL
ESPN's baseball theme is more or less an extension of their pavlovian Baseball Tonight jingle and benefits greatly from its familiarity, brevity as well as its Close-Encounters-of-the-Third-Kind simplicity. It's only a few notes long but you'll unconsciously wander into a room whenever you hear it if you're hungry for baseball. Fox's baseball theme, however, is a disaster. It may be catchy, but its strangely militant kettledrumming and intimidating horn blasts make for a theme horribly incongruent with the pastoral languor of a midsummer day game. Besides it sounds like the B-side to fox's equally grating minor-key football theme.

OLYMPICS
NBC’s coverage of the Olympics is awful for many reasons, the stifling Americo-centrism, the refusal to spotlight interesting or unusual sports and the melodramatic pre-packaged narrative (this annoying trend reached its apotheosis in Sydney when NBC had a full 24 hours to manipulate its footage). One thing that does not detract from their coverage, however, is the rousing majesty of John Williams’ scores, from the regal fanfare of ""The Call of the Champions"" to his more serene but equally stirring ""Atlanta Theme"" (If you listen close enough, you can almost hear Richard Jewell crying in the background). The songs are almost too grand, impossible for any sporting event to live up to, and especially mismatched when accompanying Bob Costas’ dorky visage. Although its theme may not rapturously herald the Second Coming as John Williams' NBC score seems to do, CBS does a perfectly competent job on the odd year they captain olympic coverage. It's been 13 years since CBS last carried the winter olympics but when I close my eyes and listen to this noble score I can still see Dan Jansen doing his best pinball impression on the speed skating circuit.

BASKETBALL
CBS' NCAA basketball theme, like the Baseball Tonight jingle, actually elicits a warm, almost pheromonal response, at least in me. It evokes a very specific part of the year and announces its arrival with all the lively enthusiasm of Dick Vitale while channeling none of his more unbearable, overwhelming qualities. The only other basketball theme of any consequence is John Tesh's synthesized masterpiece ""Roundball Rock"". In the past 5 years since NBC lost the rights to the NBA, ABC has fumbled through 4 different themes for NBA coverage, all equally unmemorable and uninspired. Why they haven't adopted Tesh's angular and aggressive "Rock", the defacto anthem for the league, is a mystery, and to sentimentalists like myself for whom it wistfully evokes images of Dan Majerle and Cedric Ceballos, a tragedy.

FOOTBALL
NBC's Football Night in America premiered this year with a theme that is pretty much the unremarkable orchestrated blitzkrieg you would expect for a football program with such a stupid and knowingly bombastic name (to say nothing of Pink’s unspeakable intro that precedes it). Football is a violent game and it lends itself to the scary military music that CBS, NBC and ESPN have adopted, and that Fox probably first popularized. However it is interesting to note that this de rigueur Wagner-esque bravado, wasn’t always so in football theme music. One recent example is NBC’s bizarrely plaintive football theme from the early 90s as well as Monday Night Football’s popular and downright ebullient anthem. I’ve never really liked Fox’s football theme although by now it has become almost a cultural meme and I would be disappointed if it were changed if only out of conservative reluctance. Also I’ve never been able to take it seriously because you can easily sing “giddy-up giddy-up giddy-up let’s go” to it, which kinds of takes the sting out of its self-conscious austerity.

Aside: While looking into sports themes perhaps the most unusual discovery was ABC's retired golf theme, which sounds lifted from an obscure Blaxpoitation film. You half expect Barry White to interject some soulful crooning about the shaft length of his driver. Boo-yah.